Some thoughts on filling your well (aka thriving)
Have you ever pondered the popular phrase “work/life balance”? I find it intriguing that the activity we spend so much of our (best) waking hours on each week (about 42% if you assume 9.5 hours spent from the time you leave home to you come back 5 days a week) is somehow not included in “life”. Especially considering a lot of us derive a lot of identity and – hopefully – fulfillment from our work. One thing is for sure, if you detest your work to the point of not wanting to include it in life, you are definitely detesting a very large chunk of your life.
So what gets left over for the waking hours of “life”? Well, there’s shopping, cooking, eating, cleaning, school runs, sports, family commitments, appointments, screen time (on average 4 hours a day – 25% of our waking hours!), driving, “to do” lists (ever heard of “to don’t lists”? Try it and please share!), diaries full to bursting with things that need to be done for work, for home, for our relationships, for self-care.
Whatever happened to leisure?
Leisure is when you have a stretch of time to do whatever it is you feel like doing – or not doing – right now. Often we feel guilty about enjoying leisure because – well, there are so many other things that still need to be done, like the bookwork or the washing or the ......
Leisure is when you can choose to rest, to play, to walk in nature, to be creative, to have a bath, to read a book, to think about something in depth, to spend time with someone you love, in short, whatever nourishes and nurtures you, in body, soul, mind and/or spirit. The things you want to do because they give you pleasure and make you feel good. The things that make you feel fulfilled, the things that make you uniquely you, the gift you have to offer the world. The things that allow you to feel like a human being rather than a human doing.
We are a part of nature, and just like nature, our energies ebb and flow. There is time for moving your energy outward and time for moving energy within. For giving and receiving. For getting things done and for resting. For ticking off the to-do list and for daydreaming and being creative envisioning your new life.
Where are you at with this?
Some of us resent our bodies for needing sleep because it gets in the way of getting things done.
Some of us engage with exercise and nourishing foods because we know that we need to take care of ourselves – because we are no good to anyone burnt out – but the flavour is still of a “do”. For example: “I go to my exercise class because I know it is good for me” versus “I go to my exercise class because I love feeling my body move and I feel so good and strong as a result (pleasure!)”.
Some of us are quite good at engaging with the activities that restore us and allow ourselves to actually savour it. (Disclaimer: I am not perfect at this either!)
The thing is, if you actually allow yourself the leisure to experience the pleasure of something, your well will fill astonishingly quickly. Have a piece of chocolate and just savour it fully, and you will probably feel one or two pieces are enough. If you are feeling guilty or just shoving it down as you are driving/working/watching tv because you need the energy, you are likely to have the whole block.
And here’s the secret: the more nourished you are from within, the happier and fulfilled you are, the more easily all those other tasks will happen, and who knows – you might even find yourself able to delegate some of them! The more exhausted and resentful you feel, the longer those tasks take, the more mistakes you make, the more energy you can’t really afford they burn up.
How well you take care of your body, mind, soul and spirit is a direct reflection of how much you value your own self. Sometimes, it is easier to escape into “doing-ness” than to feel what is truly going on for you. But it is not sustainable. Those feelings are not good or bad, they are only feedback to let you know where you can open your heart to more love. Receiving is an essential part of giving, both to yourself and others. Welcome to the realm to human being. Welcome to thriving.
Your worth does not derive from what you do. What you do flows from your worth.
Are you worth it?